Spanking

August 1, 2006

Last Saturday, I went to the zoo with Joey and was walking behind a young family with two young boys. The younger child was sleeping quietly in a stroller while the older child (probably four or five years old) skipped back and forth in front of the stroller. Excited about all that there was to see, the boy kept running from one side of the path to the other, pointing out giraffes and monkeys and snow cones to his mother. His exuberance, which in my opinion was youthful and innocent, was obviously annoying his father who was trying to navigate the stroller and kept tripping to keep from running over his son. Finally, the father reached the end of his rope. He grabbed the kid by the arm, spanked him hard several times right there and then stormed off, leaving the kid standing in the middle of the path crying with his arms on his butt. The boy stood there for several minutes while the father stood several feet away glaring.

Honestly, I was a bit upset by the whole situation. While I know that I can’t judge the father based on the sliver of a moment that I observed, I couldn’t believe that he spanked the boy in front of everyone, and what’s more, he did so without even telling the boy what he did wrong. From where I stood, the boy had no idea what he had done to deserve the spanking and stood there reeling for several minutes trying to figure out what exactly sparked the punishment. I think anyone would agree that this kind of spanking is wrong and should never be used as a punishment, but this situation got me thinking about spanking in general. Is it effective? Is it safe? Is it emotionally damaging like experts think? Or is it an effective punishment when used correctly?

According to an article in Parenting Magazine, (by Kitty O’Callaghan, August 2006) more than 94% of three and four-year-olds have been spanked within the last year. This is an interesting fact considering that more than 80% of experts believe that spanking is not only an unnecessary form of punishment, but that it could be emotionally and physically damaging to children. Why this disconnect? I mean, when experts tell us that alcohol can hurt a developing baby, moms religiously avoid alcohol during pregnancy.

My friend Natalie weighed in, “Spanking works. If I spank my son, he knows that I mean business and that act is rarely repeated.” Another friend, Kari, explained that while she rarely spanks her daughter, when she does, she does it to eliminate an especially unsafe or uncouth behavior. She said that it works every time. In fact, the main reason that parents site for choosing to spank is that it works. Parents who have tried positive reinforcement and behavior modification techniques to change behavior without effect find that spanking is an effective tool to change difficult behavior problems in toddlers and preschoolers. Well-behaved children lead to happy parents, happy teachers and happy homes.

While most experts readily agree that spanking should be avoided, according to the aforementioned Parenting article, research isn’t conclusive as far as the negative effects of spanking. Spanking has been loosely associated with behaviors like aggression and depression, but these effects could be caused by a variety of other factors. Since such a large percentage of parents spank, research studies have a difficult time proving its negative effects. What’s more, obviously many children who are spanked grow up to be well-adjusted adults.

For me, the jury is out as far as spanking goes. I’m honestly not sure what I think about it. I can see why many parents use it. It’s effective, quick and will often stop a misbehaving child in their tracks. I can also see why many experts abhor it. It’s physical, aggressive and when done in anger, can be damaging. I have awhile before I’ll need to decide, but I’d love to hear your take on it. So, tell me, do you spank your kids? If so, why? If not, why not?