finding out

April 30, 2007

I have my twenty-week ultrasound where I can find out whether this baby is a girl or a boy on Thursday. I'm feeling a bit conflicted about whether or not I should find out. I really, really want to know. I'm not the patient type. I want to get the nursery ready. I want to pick out a name. I want to go shopping. Still, part of me thinks that maybe it would be best if I didn't find out. You see, I'm afraid that my disappointment about the gender might plague the rest of this pregnancy. A very unkosher thing to say, but I'm saying it nonetheless.



I want to say that I will be happy with whatever sex as long as the baby is healthy. That's what all of the PC moms are saying. That's the "right" thing to say. But, the truth is, I won't be happy with whatever sex. At least at first. I confess. I want a girl and I want a girl bad.




I'm not saying that I won't love a little boy because I know I will, but I also know that it'll take some time getting used to. I've always wanted a little girl. A girl to play dress-up and tea party with, to go shopping with and to teach about girly things like make-up and Kate Spade bags. I also don't want to get pregnant again (I may change my mind, but for now, this is it). With that said, I'm really hoping and praying for a girl this time.


So, what do you all think? Should I find out?