It's lonely here at home

September 1, 2006

It’s lonely being a stay at home mom. Don’t get me wrong, I feel so fortunate that I’m able to stay home with my son. I love waking up to the sound of his coos instead of to an alarm clock. I love spending my mornings cuddling with him and going on long walks instead of rushing out the door to get to daycare and work. I love being able to hear his every giggle and watch his every move. I wouldn’t trade being a full-time mom for anything, but I have to admit that I’ve been somewhat surprised at how lonely it can be at home.

Before I had Joey, I was a high school Spanish teacher. My days were non-stop. I taught five classes. I spent my lunches chatting with teenagers about their lives and their problems. During my off periods, I rushed to get tests graded and papers copied. I spent my Friday nights at the football stadium, watching the shy kid in my second period class make a touchdown-stopping tackle. I worked fifty or more fast-paced hours a week and loved every minute of it.

Becoming a stay-at-home mom has definitely been an adjustment. I went from being constantly busy and surrounded by chatter to a more low-key life where I stay home while my baby naps and create a schedule that revolves around feeding and play time. Even if I do take the time to put on makeup and get dressed, it’s a waste because nobody sees me. On many days, the sound of my own voice singing silly songs to Joey is the only sound I hear all day. It gets lonely.
The thing that has surprised me most about staying home is how much I miss my husband. Before Joey was born, it wasn’t uncommon for us to see each other for only a few minutes each day. My husband, who was a football coach, was often at practice and games until well after my bedtime. We were both so busy that we hardly noticed that we didn’t have time, and the few moments that we did share together were full of lively conversation. We had a lot in common then, with similar jobs and similar schedules. Now, I see my husband much more than I used to, yet miss him much more.

When he comes home, I lunge at him, passing him the baby and chatting a hundred miles a minute while he just wants to take off his tie and relax for a bit. Obviously, this causes undue tension, but we’re still trying to work out the ins and outs of our new schedules. I’m not used to so much downtime. He’s not used to so much exuberance when he gets home. I’m sure we’ll figure it out, but these things take time. I always knew that I wanted to stay home with my kids, but I never expected it to be so different from working. It’s definitely an adjustment.