Dictionary 101

I'm starting to realize that the dictionary left out some very handy mom terms...

1. Booty Call: When you are paged over the loudspeaker when you are at an event (and your kid is in the nursery) to come change your kid's diaper.

ie. Yesterday at the gym, I got a booty call while I was taking a shower. Joey had done his, ahem, business and his business was large enough that his diaper didn't contain it. He was covered. His socks. His armpits.

2. Nudey Tunes: An incident that involves significant amounts of pee, poop or spit-up, enough to drench an outfit, leaving your child naked. Naturally, Nudey Tunes incidents only happen when mom is unprepared and failed to pack extra clothing and/or an extra diaper.

ie. Immediately after the aforementioned (see "Booty Call") indicent at the gym, I realized that we had a Nudey Tunes incident on our hands. I ended up carrying Joey out of the gym (in 40 degree weather) wearing nothing but a stolen gym towel. Don't worry... I fully intend to return the towel on my next visit. Really, I do.

3. Unhappy Hour: The hour between 4:30 and 5:30 pm when some people are happily carefree as they are about to get off work and head to a bar where they can indulge in dollar cocktails while us mommies sit at home with exhausted and starving kids and count the minutes until Daddy gets home.

ie. Yesterday, during unhappy hour, I literally called my husband twelve times to see when he was going to get home. While I was otherwise occupied staring at the clock counting the seconds going by, Joey found the energy to pull all of the books off of the shelf, dump two boxes of legos down the stairs and call a random long-distance number on the house phone. My friend Susan's son Joshua decided to go swimming in the toilet during unhappy hour one day. I'm sure Joey would do the same if he thought of it.

4. Boobifier: Using one's breasts as a pacifier.

ie. I admit it: I use a boobifier instead of a pacifier. The boob is just so handy. No tiny pouch to keep track of. Nothing to clean. No fancy dishwasher racks or chemical-free soaps. I never drop the boobifier on the ground or lose it. So, Kate falls asleep nightly with a boobifier in her mouth and a grin on her face.

5. Ma Ha! Moments: Those times where you realize "Ah Ha!", if I do this, my life will be way easier.

ie. Yesterday, I had a Ma Ha moment when I realized that if I always take the time to pack a change of clothes for my kids, I would avoid complicated incidents such as the aforementioned "Nudey Tunes" incident at the gym and the infamous "airplane incident" of '06.

6. Foy: A fake toy. A regular household item that suddenly becomes your childs object of affection du jour.

ie. The page that I tore out of my Parenting Magazine yesterday is Joey's new foy. He carries it around wherever he goes and cried when we wouldn't let him sleep with it last night.

7. Wuce: The watered-down juice left in the sippy cup when you've "refilled" (a.k.a. dilluted with water) you toddler's juice glass fifteen times in the last hour.

ie. For the first few glasses, Joey is fooled by his wuce, but eventually he catches on and realizes that he's just drinking water, which results in him screaming "Aaaaaapppppplllleeeee jjjjuuuuiiiicccceee Mommy!" over and over and over until I succumb and try to ply him with "Maple Juice" a.k.a. milk mixed with apple juice.

8. Lactivism: The strange, unexplainable passion that even the calmest, least-hippie mommies have about breastfeeding.

ie. How did I, the girl who wouldn't be caught dead marching downtown in a rally, end up being a la leche league card carrying, breastfeeding-in-public-without-regard-to-a-cover-up lactivist?