Sunday, June 8, 2008

Unpotty Training

Do you think it's possible to unpotty train a kid?

I know, I know. Potty training is a milestone... a rite of passage. I should be proud that my son is now a big-boy and has tiny blue boxer briefs to show for it.

But being a mom of a potty trained kid isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Take yesterday for example. I was kindof on a roll. I had both kids out the door and in the car at a reasonable hour. Both kids had clothes on (so what if Joey's shorts were a bit dirty) and both kids had eaten breakfast. I think I even combed Kate's hair.

Before you start patting me on the back, let me just tell you how the cookie crumbled (or the Lighning McQueen underpants unraveled if you will...)

About five miles down the road, Joey said those six dreaded words: "Mommy! I have to go potty!". Gulp. I squeeled into the nearest gas station and ran into the mini-mart with a kid under both arm. I grabbed the key and raced to the bathroom.

My pride in making it that far without an accident was short-lived because when I stepped inside the tiny bathroom and saw the dingy, brown toilet and the filthy, wet paper towels on the floor, I wanted to turn and run. Of course, by now, Joey was doing the dreaded "potty dance" and I had no choice.

As I piled fourteen layers of one-ply onto the seat, Joey grabbed the roll of toilet paper and spun it around, pulling a long string out before I grabbed him and held him haphazardly over the toilet, begging him to pee quickly without so much as touching a single thing. Not a single thing.

We stood there for nearly an eternity, with me balancing a pantless two-year-old on one knee with a baby in my arms and a grimy bathroom key between my chin and my shoulder. I oh-so-calmly cheered my son on as he squeezed out the teeniest, tiniest dribble of pee. I swear. Had he peed his pants, I doubt I would've noticed.

When he finished, he asked for a sticker.

I scrubbed him down with anti-bacterial gel and left before we all caught some deadly infection or worse, he decided he had to pee again.

I'm seriously considering weaning him off the big-boy draws and putting him back into pull-ups. Maybe the under-draw fairy can come get them and trade them for a fancy, new box of diapers. I figure that after a few weeks, he'll forget all about the potty and I can switch out the pull-ups for regular old diapers and go back to my safe (and easy) diaper-changing world. I'll even give him a sticker every time he goes in his diaper without telling me about it.


Rachel Lyn said...

Haha - that's why we carry a potty seat with us. It's a little bit more of a pain, but it alleviates the feeling of being responsible for your kid contracting a disgusting disease. :) Bailey prefers public toilets, so I gladly make the sacrifice of carrying one more thing. Glad to see you back in the blog world!

nlee0403 said...

I second the potty seat in the car!

Brandis said...

I guess this is one of those situations where you have to be careful what you wish for, huh? I HATE gas station bathrooms, especially after I once got stuck in one when the door wouldn't open. Bring kids into the picture, and . . . well, I'm cringing already. Oh, the rewards of being a good mother!!

Jan said...

I was going to suggest the potty seat on the car and lookie here others already did that. Sweet! I'm feeling a bit more confident as a parent! However I doubt I would have thought of this if I were in your shoes.

Anonymous said...

our son actualy asked to go back to diapers! we had to drive a long way and he had one of his friends with us (there parents had put them in pull ups) and we stopped at a gas station but he thought it was to dirty (he goes in by hims self and we check on him after 1 minute) but he came out and said that he was done. while we were in the car we hered a whimper and he had wet himself. he hadn't gone at the gas station but held onto it and wet himself and was embarassed in front of his friend. when we stoped a another gas station to grab something for lunch he pulled out a packet of diapers and asked us to buy them. we did and his friend admitted he was wearing pull ups and had wet them too. so they both wore them for the 3 day weekend.

Anonymous said...

Un potty training is possible but it has three major factors

1 the person that you want to unpotty train has to agree

2 it requires time

3 no more potty and a shoulder to lean on.

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Anonymous said...

So many gas stationa ans public toilets are so nasty I am thankful I ware diapers I am 35.

Anonymous said...

Well this my sound werid but what i've heard its better in the long run to keep your childern in diapers even thou their are a lot of challages along the way such as acceptance,be comfrontable to go with either parent to get changed in public,puridy,he or she getting comfrontable to change their own diapers,and if its a girl getting her tubes tied in the future. But don't worry their are plendly of kids who need loving parents and/or grandparents.

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rob b said...

Has your child been potty trained or have you stuck with unpottytraining?

Anonymous said...

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Maybe you shouldnt have kids if you cant deal with having kids!?

If you unpotty trained him, you would be fucking him up for life, mentally screwing with kids. Someone should take your kids away.

fucking breeders